City in Oklahoma has worms in their drinking water

First of all, I think this town in Oklahoma is fooling themselves by warning people not to brush their teeth with this water. Seriously, you know no one in the city is brushing their teeth. But hey, A for effort for trying to convince the outside world.

How about the real life Cletus Spuckler from the Simpsons, playing the city water director. Not even a hair can get through your water filter? Well then guess what, they're coming through somewhere else genius! And again, your job as city water director isn't telling the town not to brush their teeth, history and genetics has a way of passing that information down

Detroit literally can't afford paper

Detroit’s funeral directors received this unusual text message last month. “FYI, city of Detroit can’t process death certificates because they have no paper and don’t have money to buy any.” 

The message, from a fellow funeral director, was mostly true: The city did stop issuing certified copies of birth and death certificates on July 23, days after the July 18 bankruptcy filing. That day, a nervous paper vendor demanded cash — and the city wanted to do business as usual, on credit. 

From The Detroit News: http://www.detroitnews.com/article/20130829/METRO01/308290046#ixzz2dNLOvE8c

Well, I'm officially moving to Detroit. Not because I can buy a house for a penny, but because, you literally, can't legally die in the city. Eventhough by moving to Detroit, you will more than likely die sooner, rather than later, it's the whole tree falling in the forest thing. If no one is around to legally confirm it, you're technically not dead.

How bad off financially do you have to be to not be able to afford a piece of paper. It's basically the least expensive thing on the planet. And nice FYI message Detroit. Were you looking for some pity on behalf of the funeral directors? Secretly hoping that by sending out a FYI text message, the director will bring you a couple of reams of paper?

Ohio couple rips script straight from the Notebook

A grandson of an Ohio couple who died at a nursing home on the same day after 65 years of marriage credits their faith in God for the “shocking” timing. 

Jeff Simon, 20, of Russia, Ohio, told FoxNews.com that his grandparents, Ruth, 89, and Harold “Doc” Knapke, 91, met in the third grade and continued a torrid love affair until Aug. 11, when the devoted pair died just days before their 66th wedding anniversary in the room they shared on a nursing home in Versailles in western Ohio.  

“In the last couple of days before their deaths, we kind of saw it coming,” Simon said. “My grandfather has always kind of been in not very good health, but the fact that he went that morning was very shocking.”  

Simon said his grandparents — who had a joint funeral Mass, with granddaughters carrying Ruth's casket and grandsons carrying Harold's — loved each other “very much” and enjoyed playing cards together for countless hours.

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2013/08/26/ohio-couple-married-65-years-die-in-nursing-home-11-hours-apart/#ixzz2dDpAKtCU

First, yes I have seen The Notebook and no, that doesn't make me gay. It's only the greatest love story ever told, NBD. Also, I went with a girl, so that makes me the opposite of gay. Anywho, great love story out of Ohio. I now consider it to be the greatest of all time. And no, reading and liking this story does not make me gay. Right?

8-year-old Cleveland Indians fan with cerebral palsy rips script straight from Seinfeld

Cleveland - Niko Lanzarotta is an 8-year-old Cleveland Indians fan with cerebral palsy. Saturday before the Indians' tilt with the Twins, Niko and his family were fortunate enough to be on the field during batting practice. And Niko got to meet two of his favorite players: Jason Kipnis and Carlos Santana.  

He asked them to each hit a home run for him during the game. And they both delivered, en route to a 7-2 victory. http://www.cbssports.com/mlb/eye-on-baseball/23318258/jason-kipnis-carlos-santana-come-through-for-child

If T.V. has taught anything, it's that any life scenario can be tied into a Seinfield Episode. But this kid took it to a new level. Just straight ripped the script from Larry David. Asking for not one, but two homeruns? Let me guess what's next, kid suggests switching the Indians uniforms from polyester to cotton? After that he claims he saw Gaylord Perry dunking his donuts? Ohh that Niko. Just like Kramer

No other person sums the series up as brilliantly as Boomhauer. Dang ole show about nothing.

Guy steals OVI check point sign

YOUNGSTOWN - William Toth, 42, of 1694 Mahoning Ave., was charged with theft at 12:57 a.m. Saturday after officers working an Operating a Vehicle Impaired checkpoint on Mahoning and Belle Vista avenues observed him taking their OVI checkpoint sign and running off with it.  

Officers caught up with him not far away and took him into custody. He was released after being issued a summons to appear in court.  

Police said he took the sign after parking his car on Lakeview Avenue and walking west on Mahoning Avenue to 1716 Mahoning, where the sign was located. http://www.vindy.com/news/2013/aug/24/west-side-man-charged-with-stealing-cops/?nw

This would be the complete piece of any Mancave. I guarantee you no one has the DUI checkpoint sign hanging up on their walls. You walk down in someone's basement, you see the typical stop sign, the typical "Indians Fans Parking Only" sign. But do you ever see Sobriety Check Point Ahead sign? Hell no.

If this isn't the next John Belushi poster, I don't know what can be. This should be a poster hung on every college kids dorm room wall. Why it isn't, is beyond me is beyond me. I think William Toth is the modern day Forest Gump, shit happens, bumper sticker dude.

Katie Witham get worse looking by the hour

I have a feeling that after Fox Sports takes over STO fully, we will see Katie taken off the broadcast. It's one thing if you're good at your job, but you just don't have the looks. But it's another when you totally have no clue what's going and look like this. Sorry Katie, not to be mean, but American's 6th sport in Soccer, is your life's calling.

Rate this chick at the Indians game

5th inning score bug is pointing right to her. I give her a solid 7.5. One on the binary. Could be higher if she wasn't sitting next to the douche with the sun glasses hanging off his shirt at 8:45p.m. To each their own I guess.

Santa Clause taken down for Child Porn

Youngstown - A man who neighbors said told children he was Santa Claus was formally charged Monday with having child pornography after law enforcement raided his home on Friday.  

William Brock Sr., 65, was charged Monday with 25 counts of second-degree felony pandering obscenity involving a minor in Niles Municipal Court after the state’s Bureau of Criminal Identification and Investigation said they did not plan to file charges against Brock on Monday.

Are the neighbors really surprised by this? You got a guy walking around the middle of August, telling kids he's Santa Clause. If you tell me a guy dressed as Santa Clause all year round is doing this for any other reason but to get some sick satisfaction, I'm floored. Honestly, any other outcome to this guys life, but this, would have sent me to all out shock.

Dude in Ytown uses worst excuse ever for dealing drugs

Youngstown - When Symeon Bankston got out of prison the last time for dealing drugs, he asked friends for help in finding a job.  

All they could offer him was the chance to deal more drugs, Bankston, 32, said just before he was sentenced to four years in prison Thursday on two drug-trafficking charges.  

“When I asked for help, they offered me crack,” Bankston told Judge Maureen Sweeney in Mahoning County Common Pleas Court. “The only thing I could get was to sell drugs, drugs, drugs.” 

http://www.vindy.com/news/2013/aug/23/bad-economy-drove-me-to-deal-drugs-convi/  

Now this is just a straight assumption. But something tells me his friends aren't really connected with the local business community. I'm going out on a limb here that one of his buds doesn't have a cousin who's a VP down at Home Savings Bank. If you ask a drug dealer for help finding a job, it should't come as a complete shock when they offer you crack. In other words, If you don't want the dog to eat your homework, don't put your homework in the dog bowl.

88 year old WWII vet beaten to death make me lose all faith in humanity

A suspect in the brutal beating of a World War II veteran who later died from his injuries has been arrested, as police in Spokane, Washington continue to search for a second attacker.

Police confirmed the arrest but did not identify the suspect accused in the Wednesday parking lot attack. Authorities continue to search for another suspect who is described as an African-American male between the ages of 16 and 19.

The Spokane Police Department says in a press release officers responded to reports of an assault Wednesday and found the victim, 88-year-old Delbert Belton, in his car with serious head injuries. He died Thursday in the hospital.

Friends identified Belton, and say he was sitting outside a lodge for the Fraternal Order of the Eagles when he was attacked.

KXLY-TV reports that Belton served in the Army during World War II and was shot in the leg during the Battle for Okinawa.

"He was a tough old bird, I'll tell you that," Ted Denison, Belton's friend for 23 years told the Spokesman-Review.

Read more: http://www.foxnews.com/us/2013/08/23/world-war-ii-veteran-beaten-to-death-by-2-teenagers-in-washington-parking-lot/#ixzz2cnvC576x 

 I'm sorry. All hope is lost. When an 88 year old WWII veteran can't even walk the streets of a country he took bullets for, we're toast. Today marks the official end for all of mankind.

Does anyone else wish they had a chance to sit down with Delbert (shorty) Belton to have a beer? They called him Shorty because he was so tall and he accepted that. That's funny! Can you ask for a better generation? Like the whole reason this blog exists today. Barstool. DeadSpin. WithLeather. The sole reason why we can log onto twitter and write any opinion we want. The entire existence of Facebook and sending a post blasting Obama. These exists because of people like Shorty and our countries greatest generation. Because guess what, if these guys fucked up WWII like our generation would, we'd have none of these freedoms. I can assure you of that.

The appropriate punishment for these guys? Jail and death is easy. How about we send these assholes to school. Make them pick up a book and read about WWII. After that have them watch every battle scene known to man on Okinawa. Let every picture taken of the D-Day invasion of Okinawa burn inside their brains. The piles of bodies. The wounded being cared for. The badassness of a single American taking out a Jap machine gunner. After that, let every living WWII vet visit these scum in a hole to tell them the atrocities they faced during war. Tell them the effects it's had on their everyday lives. Let them know how they outsmarted and killed physically fit Jap and German killing machines. Let them know going to the lounge and having a beer with other people that can relate to them is the greatest tool for coping with being a war hero. Have both of these fucking losers become the #1 historians on WWII in the entire world. Then. And only then. WIll we let them die.

One or Zero Brittany Harris

Let's move on from the milfs, Here's Brittany Harris from Fox 8

A little bit about Brittany
Birthplace: Solon
Education: Columbia COLLEGE CHICAGO
Current Position/Job Duties: Reporter 

Case for being a one: I'm struggling with this one right here. She's not married. And according to the video above, she's a cat person. I know I'm naming reasons for her to be a zero. I'm trying to come up with something, anything, but it ain't happening. I guess in her welcome video she takes a slam at the University of Nebraska journalism department. I guess that's kinda cool. And she's got that Monica Lewinsky look. Which I admit was kind of hot in the 90's.

Why she's a zero: Cat person. Terrible body. Eastside Cleveland accent. Went to a school named Columbia College instead of actually going to Columbia. Reminds you of a 90's dick sucker. Need I say more?

Final answer: Some women are ones and some are zeros. And Brittany is a zero. Now I'm not saying at 3:00am when the bar clears out and nothing's left, I'm not considering it. But I am saying zero 100% of the time prior to then. But as my old boss once said, sometimes you gotta go thick.

Beer spill in Ohio makes me cry

NEW PARIS OH -- A travel headache for some drivers near the Ohio-Indiana border this morning. A truck, hauling cases of Heineken, lost control and crossed the highway median on I-70 in Preble County. The truck smashed into a minivan before overturning. The load of beer spilled onto the highway leaving a mess of cases, bottles and brew. http://www.wkyc.com/news/state/article/311539/23/Beer-spill-creates-headache-for-Ohio-drivers-

In all the news stories of the day, this is the one that brought out the most in my emotions. Sadness. Anger. Thirst. All in one. Why did they have to be bottles? Why couldn't it be Heineken mini Kegs. And for those of who will make fun of me for liking Heineken, fuck you. It's a good beer.

Mark Naymik from the Cleveland Plain Dealer just ruined my day

CLEVELAND, Ohio -- Gay Zombies should be the least of Cedar Point's concerns. 

The ill-fated publicity stunt to let zombies marry at the park is to me far less damaging to the reputation of the Pride of Sandusky than the amusement park's class-baiting Fast Lane passes and exorbitant food prices. 

Most parents, I think, would rather answer a child's questions about a same-sex couple dressed as dead people than explain why people cut ahead of them in line after 60-minute wait... 

The Fast Lane pass, however, is a powder keg. And it bothered a lot more people than just me. After waiting in line for Millennium Force for at least an hour, I was passed, yards from the platform, by two large families with the passes. I was silent and used the episode to explain to my 9-year-old a life lesson about the haves and have-nots. Others in line heckled. Some were darn right rude to these people. This scene repeated itself through the day, almost always after I had waited 30 minutes or more to board a ride. http://www.cleveland.com/naymik/index.ssf/2013/08/cedar_points_fast_lane_and_foo.html#incart_river_default#incart_m-rpt-2 

I already touched on the gay side of this a few days ago, but this asshole really got me fired up. Fuck you Mark Naymik, just fuck you. The reputation of Cedar Point is being tarnished by paying extra to get to the front of the line? Well guess what, it's called Capitalism, and even simpler, it's called AMERICA. If you don't like it GTFOH.

If I want to sit in the first row behind home plate at an Indians game, I have to pay more money than the dude sitting in the nose bleeds. And my guess is, you're the cheap ass sitting in the nose bleeds. Baseball glove and everything. This is the game when the guy hits a 600 foot foul ball to you. That's your day.

How about the audacity of airlines to let those who are more frequent customers, or pay more money, to load onto the plane first. And don't even get me started on the people who feel the need to sit in the front of the plane in first class. I'm guessing you're the asshole who sits in the empty business class seat, and can't for any reason comprehend why the stewardess is asking you not to sit there.

Lastly if I have a kid, and he/she starts complaining to me and wants an explanation on why people are cutting the line, I'm going to tell the ungrateful bastard to stfu. And I won't do that quietly either. Great parenting using this experience to tell your 9 year old there's have and have-nots. Congrats. You just told your child you're a loser. Use it to tell your child to become a have and work for an industry that will exist 10 years from now.

I'm pretty sure the literal definition of rock bottom is performing in front of 40 people in a 90,000 seat venue

R&B singer Brandy had been looking forward to playing to a 90,000-capacity arena in South Africa but was reportedly left sulking after just 40 people turned up.  

The star had been booked to appear at the First National Bank Stadium in Johannesburg on Saturday as part of the celebrations of Nelson Mandela Sport and Culture Day, which included soccer and rugby games as well as live music.   

However, Brandy was left playing to a tiny crowd of around 40 people in the 90,000-capacity arena after taking to the stage at the end of the event, and she reportedly performed just two songs before walking off. Reports suggest Brandy's set was not properly advertised.  

Read more: http://www.smh.com.au/entertainment/music/brandy-plays-to-empty-stadium-20130822-2scs0.html#ixzz2cia68nVF

Brandy finally answered the age old question, "if a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?" The answer may be yes, but it makes a painfully awful sound. 

I'm sorry Brandy, is 40 people not enough for you? Because I have news flash, that sounds about right to me. You know how many people people read my blog? Zero. And do I pack up and stop writing. Fuck no. Because it's my hope that someone reads it and gets me out of corporate America hell.  So guess what, you get paid to be there if there's 40 people of 90,000. Suck it and be grateful you found a place in this world where 40 people want to hear the shit that comes out of your mouth. 

Jim Tressel teaching coaching class at Akron

It's now Professor Tressel.  

Former Ohio State coach Jim Tressel will teach a course this fall at the University of Akron, where he has worked in an administration role for the past two years.  He will instruct students in "General Principles of Coaching" with former Zips coach Jim Dennison, who was Akron's coach when Tressel began his coaching career at the school as an assistant in 1974. 

"He gave me my first opportunity to coach," Tressel said, "and he provided guidance that has lasted me a lifetime." The three-credit course, which will be held once a week and run into December, will be open to Akron students and the general public. http://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/ncaaf/bigten/2013/08/20/jim-tressel-ohio-state-buckeyes-akron-zips-coaching-class-professor/2679665/ 

Needless to say this is the dream class of every straight, male, enrolled at a united states college. Once a week. Three-Credits. Football. Something tells me Tressel isn't reading the weekly assignments due either.

But poor Akron football fans. They have a guy teaching a one day a week class, that is hands down better than the person who is actually coaching the football team. Since 2010 Akron football has won three games. That's right. They have won three fucking games in three fucking years! And the outlook doesn't get much better, as they are likely to lose the first three games of the 2013 season. That's including James Madison, a I-AA/FCS school, who will most likely be a favorite to beat the worst team in college football. And it only gets worse. The Zips are actually paying James Madison $200,000+ to embarrass them. I bet you Terry Bowden becomes a student in Tressel's class by week 4.

Snail lives inside kid's knee for three weeks

I can't get over that this family seems to be happy that a snail was living inside their child for three weeks. I don't have kids. But if I did,  and a creature lived inside my child, it would literally be the thing I want people to least know about me. Like I would want anyone to know any other thing about me, but that.

And did they really put the fucking SEA snail in a bowl of FRESH WATER? GTFOH

One or Zero KRIS PICKEL

Yesterday we considered Tracy Carloss a one. Now switch over to NBC affiliate WKYC to check out Kris Pickel

A little bit about Kris
Birthplace: California
Education: Cal Poly
Current Position/Job Duties: Co Anchor 6 and 11


Case for being a one: She's another milf. Better looking off the bat than Tracy. Married, with a couple of kids. Plus she lists her husbands hobbies as collecting comic books. Anyone of us could take this guy, and please her more. Although I can't figure out her exact age, she's got a great body for having two kids. BTW her husband named them Clark and Bruce. Uggh. This asshole is naming his fucking kids after fictional characters in comic books.

One other great characteristic about her, is she all but admits to cheating on a former boyfriend in an article in Cleveland Magazine.

"I was on the phone, and when I hung up, my boyfriend asked: Was that Carl?' I said, yes.' And he said, I can always tell when you're talking to Carl. You just light up more.' " 

Fucking sexy!

Why she's a zero: Her last name is Pickel. I mean come on. That's her maiden name too. So she willingly kept the last name of Pickel. Not that I can blame her though, her husbands last name is lemon.

Final answer: One. She's a milf. Simple as that. Although I can't find her age, if my wife looks like that at age 40-50, I'm happy. She can cheat on me all she wants.

Ohio man literally comes back from dead

WEST CARROLLTON, Ohio– A man, who was dead for almost one hour, comes back to life.  

WHIO reported that Tony Yahle, 37, was taken to Kettering Medical Center because he was having problems breathing. His heart stopped beating for 45 minutes and he was declared dead.  

Then, Tony’s 17-year-old son started talking to him. He said, “Dad, you’re not going to die today.”

Consider my mind blown. I'm just hoping some asshole doctor doesn't ruin this by giving a medical reason on the dude coming back from death. Can't we just have one miracle? I know I wasn't the only one who thought we had something going with the angel priest in Missouri. Major let down when he turned out to be a regular person. Can we just have this one? Please!

Rate this Anthony "Carlos" Weiner T.V. AD

I failed Spanish in college. So admittedly, I am not 100% sure exactly what is said here. But I think he said something about taxes and restaurants. After that, it's a little unclear. And what's with the airline pilot call ring at the end of the video? Seriously, does this have something to do with Mexicans?

People need to stop freaking out over three '72 Dolphins not wanting to meet Obama

Washington - The White House on Tuesday belatedly honored the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the NFL’s only undefeated team, but three members weren’t there because of their opposition to President Obama’s policies. “We’ve got some real moral compass issues in Washington,” Hall of Fame center Jim Langer told the Orlando Sun-Sentinel.  

“I don’t want to be in a room with those people and pretend I’m having a good time. I can’t do that. If that [angers] people, so be it.” Former player Manny Fernandez won’t be traveling to the nation’s capital either. 

“I’ll just say my views are diametrically opposed to the president’s,” he told the paper. “Enough said. Let’s leave it at that. I hope everyone enjoys the trip who goes.”  

 Read more: http://p.washingtontimes.com/news/2013/aug/20/i-dont-belong-there-players-72-miami-dolphins-snub/#ixzz2cdFuCSAu

Needless to say people are freaking out, calling this a total lack of respect towards the President. Well guess the fuck what, if I don't want to meet the President, I don't have to. This isn't an anarchy. People are not forced to take photo ops with our leader.

And if Obama has the balls that George W. Bush did, he won't give a fuck and just say whatever he wants.

"I love the fact that you've got some of the game's biggest stars. I mean, 'Big Papi,' the guy lights up the screen. He brings a great personality - (applause). I'm sorry his running mate, Manny Ramirez, isn't here. I guess his grandmother died again. (Laughter.) Just kidding. (Laughter.) http://www.aolnews.com/2008/02/28/president-bush-on-manny-i-guess-his-grandmother-died-again/

Just Manny being Manny. And George W. being George W.

Smoke catches unreal truck crash

Wow. Truck literally flying. Guy survives. I get it. But when I see decent looking person in tiny Vine pick I start to do some research. Turns out a smoke caught the video - Alex Stack. According to her twitter she's on the dance team at Western Michigan. Prepare to be popular as school starts back up.

BREAKING: Greg Little given speeding ticket

JUST IN: Browns receiver Greg Little busted for speeding Posted: Aug 21, 2013 12:14 PM EDT 

Updated: Aug 21, 2013 12:32 PM EDT (WOIO) -The Cuyahoga County Sheriff's Department has confirmed that a deputy gave a ticket to Browns receiver Greg Little. The traffic stop happened Monday night about 8:30 p.m. on I-71 near the turnpike in Strongsville.  

The ticket shows Little was stopped for speeding while going 81mph in a 60mph zone.  

The ticket also shows Little was cited for expired plates. http://www.19actionnews.com/story/23214374/browns-receiver-greg-little

Wow, crazy news. I guess this is what qualifies as "Just In Breaking News for Channel 19 when there's not a train wreck to go cover.

I guess this explains this tweet.

Something tells me Americans aren't going to turn to Al-Jazeera for their news

NEW YORK (AP) — Al-Jazeera America signed on with a brisk hello from anchor Tony Harris before he got down to business with his network's first stories: continued turmoil in Egypt, shots fired at an Atlanta elementary school and more wildfires in the West. 

With that, the network entered the cable-news fray long dominated by CNN, MSNBC and Fox News Channel.

Now I'm not the smartest person in the world. But if I were investing in an American Cable News Network, I would probably go with the one touting the American flag as part of their network logo, and stay away from the one with slight anti-semetic/anti American views. Just saying.

One or Zero: Cleveland media edition: Tracy Carloss

Today starts a long run of one or zero. Finding out who are the true "one's" and weeding out the "zero's" amongst our lovely Cleveland media friends. For those who don't know, I operate on the binary scale. You're either a one or a zero. One, and welcome to the club. Zero, get the fuck out. It's as simple as that. And if you still don't get wtf I'm talking about, one = I'd hit, zero = I wouldn't dumbass.

In no particular order we start with News Channel 5 anchor Tracy Carloss.
http://www.newsnet5.com/dpp/about_us/staff/Anchor-and-reporter-Tracy-Carloss-biography

A little bit about Tracy
Birthplace: Pennsylvania
Education: Duquesne University BA, Duquesne University, MA.
Current Position/Job Duties: Weekend Anchor/Multimedia Journalist.
Previous Work Experience: WGRZ-TV Buffalo, New York; WSTM-TV Syracuse, New York and WDTV Clarksburg, West Virginia.
Joined NewsChannel5: June 2000.

Case for being a one: She's a milf. Married, with a kid = Milf city. I mean look what she puts as her favorite music. Favorite Music: I like all types of music. My CD player has everything from top 40 to country.

She still uses a freaking CD player. She probably doesn't even know what a MP3 is. That's hot.

Why she's a two: Pennsylvania. They're a different breed out there. Plus she willingly spent 4+ years in Pittsburgh. Who does that against their will? Typically when I see a P.A. girl I run. It's sound advice, but it's a little more complicated here.

Look at her entire work experience, Buffalo, Syracuse, Clarksburg WV? Has she ever ventured outside of the rustbelt? Does she know what the sun looks like?

Final answer: I'll admit it. She's freaking adorable. I don't know what "it" is. But she seems like a genuinely nice, caring person. Is she the hottest thing Cleveland has to offer? Probably not. But she's good enough to fulfill my milf dreams. One.

Gay couple can't get married at Cedar Point because it's illegal in Ohio so they ruin it for everyone else

 AKRON -- Eric Morrison and Scott Kenimond say they saw Cedar Point's contest on its OnPoint blog: 13 couples to get married during September's Friday the 13th opening of Cedar Point's HalloWeekends. But when they learned the offer didn't apply to same sex couples, they took action. 

"You were going to be married by a Zombie, or renew your vows by a Zombie. And you had to dress like Zombies," Kenimond said. "So it was just kind of cool because we both love Halloween, we both love roller coasters, we both love Cedar Point, so I just thought it was like, the dream thing."  

But the fine print said only a man and woman could be selected due to marriage laws in Ohio.

To their disappointment, the couple's social media campaign led the park to end the contest. Kenimond says Cedar Point could have chosen any couples it liked, but everyone should have a shot at it.   

"In today's world, it's just not a fair thing to do to leave people out," he said.  http://www.wkyc.com/news/article/311307/45/Gay-couples-protest-leads-Cedar-Point-to-cancel-wedding-contest

This is the ultimate "I'm not getting my way, so I'm going to take my ball and go home" strategy. Since it's not fair to them, they're going to make it unfair for everyone.

Like I get it. It's 2013. Being Gay is cool now. But it isn't exactly legal to be married in most states. As a matter of fact, it is highly illegal. So until a time machine is invented, deal with it. Or. You can just move to another state that allows it.

And I understand that you want to be married by a zombie. But as you learned, life ain't always fair. Sometimes you have to just suck it up and not be married by a zombie. It's the little things like that, that makes a marriage work.

Akron Beacon Journal misspelling Daisuke Matsuzaka's name in article on his release is about all you need to know about his tenure with the Indians

Daiskuke Matsuzaka asks to leave; wish granted by Indians
By SHELDON OCKER Published: August 20, 2013
ANAHEIM, Calif.: Daisuke Matsuzaka asked to leave the Indians' organization and was granted his release today.  

Matsuzaka signed a minor league contract with the Tribe last winter and has spent the season at Columbus, where he compiled a 5-8 record and 3.92 ERA in 19 starts. In 103 1/3 innings, he walked 39 and struck out 95.  

Two weeks ago, an Indians official was asked what chance Matsuzaka had of being a September call-up and said that while the right-hander was performing satisfactorily, ""There are two or three starters ahead of him.''

http://www.ohio.com/blogs/cleveland-indians/cleveland-indians-1.282227/daiskuke-matsuzaka-asks-to-leave-wish-granted-by-indians-1.422377 

You can't make this kind of stuff up folks. Just the typical N.E. Ohio sports media, being the N.E. Ohio sports media. So many mistakes in this three paragraph article, I don't event know where to begin. One would with the first word in the headline misspelled. And who the hell was asked about Dice-K's chances with the Indians? Why were they asked? Who did they tell that to? Answers you must include in a story on the ABJ.

Ohh Ohio journalism, how I love you.

Man who robbed Cleveland Popeye's could not fit the stereotype anymore than this guy

CLEVELAND - Cleveland police are looking for help from the public to identify a man who robbed a Popeye's Chicken on Aug. 12. The man was described as weighing around 195 pounds and standing at about 6 foot 11.
http://www.newsnet5.com/dpp/news/local_news/cleveland_metro/Cleveland-police-search-for-Popeyes-Chicken-robbery-suspect#ixzz2cYmL0stH

So the old joke goes, "a black guy walks into a Popeyes".

P.S. Ever wonder who wears the Ralph Lauren clothing with the big ass logo on it? You learn something new every day.

P.P.S 6 foot 11? Holy shit. If this dude isn't caught within the next 10 minutes, every Cleveland P.D. officer on this case should be fired. Or forced to eat Popeye's.

Rate this local inventor on the binary scale

Okay, yada yada yada. We get it. You invented something. And it's probably something that's really stupid, because if it wasn't, it would be invented already. But when I hear 27 year old female, and see a blond, all I'm interested in knowing is one or zero.

Theresa Nita, there's just something about you that makes you a one.

Person who wrote anonymous letter telling a parent to euthanize autistic son, leaves me no hope for humanities future

(CNN) — An Ontario family is in shock after receiving an anonymous letter — purportedly from a neighbor — imploring them to euthanize their autistic son or move out of the neighborhood because of the “nuisance” the teen poses to the community.

I believe the biggest bitch thing a person can do is write an anonymous letter. Literally, has anything ever been resolved in this world by someone writing an anonymous letter? You are just asking that the behavior you don't like continues longer. If you ever find yourself wanting to write an unsigned letter to a neighbor, take a second, and think about it. Then just kill yourself.

Someone wrote me a letter last year asking why I don't always park in the driveway. See my response below.

Needless to say, I haven't parked in my driveway since.

WTF is up with people sleeping in random strangers homes?

RAVENNA TOWNSHIP -- A man has been booked into the Portage County Jail after the sheriff's office says he fell asleep during a burglary at a home in Ravenna Township.  

According to Portage County Sheriff David W. Doak, the homeowner arrived at his house on Jean Drive after work on Monday afternoon and found a stranger asleep in his bed.  

The sheriff's office says the stranger was wearing the homeowner's clothes and had the homeowner's shotgun on the bed beside him. When the man awoke he reached for the gun but the homeowner was able to grab it first and detained the man until deputies arrived.

WTF North East Ohio? WTF!

I'm pretty sure defecating and vomiting, while looking for your brother at the wrong house, then hiding in a trash can, is the literal definition of rock bottom

WICKLIFFE, OH (WOIO) - Authorities in Wickliffe say a 26-year-old man was looking for his brother when he defecated and vomited, before falling asleep on a stranger's couch.  

The Ridgewick Drive homeowners say they were gone and their door was unlocked when Edward Reese made himself at home. When they returned they found the very intoxicated Reese still sleeping on the couch. They woke him up and told him to leave.  

He ran but was found by police about five blocks over. He was hiding in a trash can on Dennis Drive. Reese is charged with trespassing, criminal mischief and obstruction. He's expected in Willoughby Municipal Court on August 22.  

http://www.19actionnews.com/story/23101631/drunk

 A couple of things here. One, who the hell leaves their door unlocked while they're gone for the night? And two, who tells a person to leave after they shit and puked in your house? My gut reaction, would be to shoot the dude. After thinking about it for a second, the next reaction is to tell the dude to clean up. There's no one who is willingly leaving my house after they shit and puked everywhere without cleaning it up. Period.

 BTW this dude dodo'd himself.

Guy who stole $36,000 veterans memorial statue and sold it for $25 sentenced to 18 months in prison

Hubbard, OH - A Hubbard man accused of stealing a 4-foot brass veteran’s memorial statue was sentenced Tuesday to 18 months in prison.  

Girard police arrested Couturiaux on a warrant after police said he stole a 4-foot brass statue of a soldier from the Mahoning Valley Memorial Park in Youngstown.  

Police said he gave his real name on a receipt when he took the statue to a Girard junk yard. He was paid $25 for the statue. The statue was valued at $36,000.  

http://www.wkbn.com/2013/08/20/statue-thief-sent-to-jail/ 

Is it just me, or are criminals getting lazier and dumber by the day? Dude steals a $36,000 statue, sales it for $25 and just to put icing on the cake, gives his real name when he scraps it. The veterans being honored by this statue are rolling over in their graves knowing that they are fought and died for idiots like this. Is there anyway people joining the military can selectively choose who they wish to die for? Or, can we go back and time and to not make the Constitution or Bill of Rights applicable to all United States citizens?

People like Couturiaux are the reason why the Chinese is kicking our ass. I propose we start a citizens trade between counties. We can we just drop this guy off in Yemen and let al-Qaeda get their western fix with him, in exchange for an orphan.

Sick neck tattoo asshole. You really are a badass.

Cleveland Browns streaker lawyer says client streaked across the field because there just hasn't been that much excitement at the Browns game in a while

CLEVELAND, Ohio - A 20-year-old Northfield Center man accused of streaking across the turf at Thursdays preseason Cleveland Browns game against the Detroit Lions pleaded not guilty in Cleveland Municipal Court today.  

"He's a good kid," his attorney Fred Crosby said after the hearing. "He got caught up in the excitement."  

Crosby, a Browns fan who also attended the game, said Saveriano was not a bad kid and that alcohol was not the major factor in the decision to streak. There just hasn't been that much excitement at the Browns game in a while, he said.

http://www.cleveland.com/metro/index.ssf/2013/08/browns_game_streaker_pleads_in.html

Well done Fred Crosby, well done. If there's one thing anyone in North East Ohio can relate to, it's the lack of excitement on the field at Browns games. If they can  get a trial by a jury of his peers, he will not only get off completely, but hold the Browns accountable for him doing it. I'll tell you who should be in court... The Browns for charging full price for a ticket to a pre-season game. You better bet your ass I'm going on the field if I pay anything over, say, FREE, for a pre-season ticket.

Detroit's stop-and-frisk policy for just looking suspicious should go over pretty well

DETROIT (WJBK) - The city of Detroit is seeing a new spike in violence. Manpower is down, but murders and shootings are on the rise. Now, police are looking for a solution that is causing controversy in New York City, called stop-and-frisk. 

The tactic allows for more aggressive policing, permitting officers to stop and search citizens simply for looking suspicious, without probable cause.

http://www.myfoxdetroit.com/story/23177266/detroit-police-consider-%20stop-and-frisk-policy

I don't anticipate any problems here. Frisking people for looking suspicious should go without a hitch. If the founding fathers wanted this kind of behavior to not happen, they should have put it in some sort of simple to read document. Perhaps they could have come up with 10 simple laws that are easy to read on a one page document, that would effect how a government rules over its people for centuries.

And for those of you who think that this measure will allow for police to simply target a person based on their race, Detroit Police Department Assistant Chief, Erik Ewing, has it all figured out.

"Detroit's population is mostly African American, so it stands to reason that a high number of African Americans will be stopped, based on reasonable suspicion. This is not racial profiling, just officers doing good constitutional police work."

Whew, I feel better now. All is good in Detroit.

People in Connecticut call 9-1-1 because the cable was out and they couldn't watch Breaking Bad

Connecticut - The Fairfield Police Department was not amused and took to its Facebook page to post a refresher course on using its emergency system. The message read:  

"The Fairfield Police Department was not amused and took to its Facebook page to post a refresher course on using its emergency system. The message read: "We are receiving numerous 911 calls regarding the Cablevison outage. This is neither an emergency or a police related concern. Please direct your inquiries to Cablevision. 911 should only be called for Life Threatening Emergencies ONLY. Incidents that are not of an emergency nature may be reported to the Fairfield Police Department. ... Misuse of the 911 system may result in an arrest."  

Among the many comments about being unable to watch "Breaking Bad": "Yes, this was a huge misuse of 911," one comment read, "but privately, I think it was kind. Of. Awesome. Tonight's breaking bad was super intense and Very riveting by every second. Obviously these folks were not thinking rationally when reaching for the phone."

http://www.courant.com/news/connecticut/hc-connecticut-cablevision-subscribers-call-911-after-cable-outage-fairfield-police-not-amused-20130819,0,4320826.story

I'm on the side of the people here. I mean, every last person who works for a cable company should be in jail. It's pretty much a controlled monopoly. Slow Internet, shitty T.V. service, and the one show that's actually worth a shit on regular cable, you can't even watch?


What other avenue do people have other than call 9-1-1 when cable goes out? You call the cable company when your service is down. Sit on hold for an hour. Talk to some robot/person in India. They give you pretty sound technical advice like "unplug your router and plug it back in". Your problem never gets resolved 100% of the time. Then they tell you they'll send a technician over in two weeks between the hours of 6:00am and 11:00pm.

The problem with 9-1-1 is, they give a shit. They always answer. The cable company, they don't give a shit. They do everything in their power to not connect you with a live person. My advice to 9-1-1, stop answering every call if you don't want people calling. There, problem solved.

New stats showing 1 in 4 New Jersey adults still living with their parents, comes as a shock to absolutely nobody

Newark, New Jersey (My9NJ) - Is 27 the new 18 when it comes to living at your parents' house?According to the US census Bureau, at least 1 in 4 N.J. adults, ages 18-31 live at home and 42% are 24 or older. Experts call it an "epidemic" of millennials leaching off their parents, but does a bad economy and student loan debt crisis justify the situation?

http://www.my9nj.com/story/23158585/new-jerseys-boomerang-generation

I saw this on the Drudge Report. And I'm not sure how this story is news worthy. I mean really. If I asked you the question, "name the state where one in four adults live with their parents", and you said any other state but New Jersey, I would have to question your mental state. But hey, why leave when your parents will cook you Spaghetti and Meatballs every night? Because that's all people in Jersey eat, right? Pasta or some sauce based entrée? Am I right? I'm right.

BTW Here's more Kate Mosso. A one on my binary scale.

Katie Witham blows my mind

I'm not a huge Katie Witham fan. I believe she offers nothing to the STO telecast, but that's okay. See I steal my cable. So right off the bat I'm not STO's #1 target. But I am constantly confused on what I think of her (looks).

For those who do not know me, I operate on the binary scale. One or zero. One = I'd hit. Zero = No Fuck. Simple enough right? But this girl just blows up my scale. One day I say one, the next zero. Pick a damn side Katie.

My gut tells me if a woman is a zero once, they're always a zero. But my dick tells me if she's a one once, that's good enough. So help me out, should I go with my gut, or my dick? One or zero based on her looks tonight?

I'm going with my gut tonight.

STO asks hard hitting questions

Indians play-off race. Browns appear to not be shitty. And there's light at the end of the tunnel for the Cavs. So naturally Bruce Drennan asks fans the question that we've all been wondering, college tailgate or NFL?

I love how Ashley Collins casually reminds us that her cousin Ricky (Stanzi) played for Iowa. She reminds me of the girl in High School who drops her uncles/aunts name as the reason she won't get cut from the cheerleading squad. Sweet.

BTW I'm more of a NFL tailgate guy. More MILFS.

Here's more Ashley Collins

Saying goodbye to Annette Lawless

Looks like Fox 8 is saying goodbye to their kind of hot, really annoying reporter, Annette Lawless. Although I admit she's a 1 on the binary scale, it's been my experience that any person named Annette, is incredibly annoying. As a matter of fact, I believe Annette derives from a latin term meaning, bitch.  But I'm not saying she's annoying strictly on her name, I say it because of her own website. http://www.annettelawless.com Ohh and she considers herself an actress. LOL. Anyways, hope you enjoyed Cleveland.

Mkay

I'll admit I'm not a fan of either the Yanks or Bo Sox. But I do respect the rivalry. Especially with the return of the Yanks star third baseman douchebag. I don't know if I love this sign, or hate it. But I do know the grown adult who made it is a virgin. 50 year old making a South Park reference towards a professional athlete. That's pretty sad. M'Kay?